My Achy-Breaky Heart

First of all, let me make it clear that I do my best not to stereotype, pigeon-hole, or assume anything about any groups of people. Far be it from me to presume that a small sample could be representative of the whole group. Far be it from me to be so conceited as to believe that I could observe a large enough sample to be able to adequately represent the group.

(and now, the inevitable "But,")

But boy oh boy, I do despise rednecks.

Having just finished a roadtrip through the South, I can certainly say that the Southerners I encountered are fantastically warm, open people. I don't think there was a particularly different percentage of intelligent people or of dumbasses than you'd find in the Northeast. Their accents are charming and contagious, and their generally cheerful demeanor beats the hell out of the ubiquitous Northern cool-guy cynicism.

Their music, though, just doesn't lend them any credibility as intelligent people. While I'm admittedly painting with an impossibly large brush, I would contend that intelligent people want to be intellectually challenged by their entertainment, whether movies, television, books, or songs. My (thankfully) limited sampling of country music did not challenge my intellect, but rather my tolerance for discomfort.

This discomfort was revisited last night, as the men of Hardtail for Life Shanghai-ed me to a country line dancing bar. I had fun, because Jay and Mike are always good company, but the music was a constant, unyielding obstacle to good times.

Let me give you an example of what I'm talking about:

"But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don't think it'd understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man"
--"Achy Breaky Heart", Billy Ray Cyrus

I submit that this song was actually written by a 5th grader.

Now, there is a version of this song that has recently grown in popularity in the world of alternative rock. In the interest of fairness I'll post it as well:

"If you talk too much my head will explode (x7) "
--"If You Talk Too Much (My Head Will Explode)", People in Planes

Let's allow that one to speak for itself.

Finally, we'll look at Radiohead. Thom York is my hero. He took a similar idea and, rather than just write it down as he might say it to a 10 year old, he let it ferment into something subtle, illustrative, and thought-provoking:

"Karma police, arrest this man
He talks in maths
He buzzes like a fridge
He's like a detuned radio
--"Karma Police", Radiohead

I could certainly give other examples, with a little more research (eg, contrasting "No Shirt No Shoes No Problem" with just about any other song about vacations). Moreover, I'm sure that anyone who slept through a liberal arts major could tear my argument apart, portraying modern music as a shameful anticlimax to the poetry of decades (and centuries) past.

I don't care. I hate country music and the rednecks who make it.