I'll start off by saying that I hope this never happens again. Being inherently competitive and prone to pre-race freakouts, Karaoke is supposed to be my escape, my safe-haven of acceptance and musical release. The competition tonight turned everything into strategic, goal-oriented scheming... which is not what Karaoke is supposed to be. Should I dance to "La Bamba" with my friend Lena? Or will that make my competition look good? These are issues that don't belong on Thursday nights.
There were a number of stellar performances. Jenksy rocked "Video Killed the Radio Star". Tooly McSandbagger came out of the woodworks to sing "I am Beautiful" like a eunuch. SpikyHairWill and I owned "Mr. Roboto". These performances would make up the final podium.
So the Baccardi chicks called us (theJenksster, Will & me, and my man Tooly) back up for a group performance of "Oops I Did It Again", to finally determine the winner. Perfect for the feminine McSandbagger, you might think. But oh no. While he was crooning, I was running to the bar to grab plastic cups for myself and Will. Why? Two words for you, my friends... Fake breasts.
In the end, it was close. The winners would be determined by audience loudness. Jenksy was eliminated first, but not for lack of effort (his veins were popping out of his neck so bad that Will and I kept having to remind him to breathe). It came down to McSandbagger vs. Team BME/RutgersCycling. His contingent was loud, including a girl who could whistle really obnoxiously. Our contingent was loud enough that my ears hurt.
The Baccardi Girls conferred in the corner, making possibly the biggest decision of their slutty lives...
Tension mounted. Nerves were on edge. Would talent triumph over effort? Would entertainment defeat douchebaggery?
WE WON KARAOKE!!!
Just think about that statement. Will and I were the victors in the Karaoke competition. Ridiculous as that sounds, it put $100 in our pockets and gave us indisputable bragging rights. We will buy a Vacuum Cleaner for the apartment. And maybe some DVDs for indoor training sessions.
Most importantly, we won. I love winning. I should do it more often. What a great feeling. Quite the difference from this morning. Moods this good are rare indeed. Karaoke f'in winners.