Time Trials are Stooopid

I couldn't decide on the title; it was going to be "Time Trials are Stoopid" or "The Race of Truthiness"... or "Contre le Stoopid", but that's a little too French.

The Hermes crew put on their Sandy Hook Time Trial (TT) today. Unlike most bike races, this race is done one-by-one, rather than in pack. This means that there's no hiding from the wind, and there's no tactics... you go fast, you turn around, you go fast again, and then you puke.

I've decided that TTs are highly correlated to stupidity. Certainly there is TT-induced stupidity, just as anyone working very very hard is going to deoxygenate their brain and handicap their decision-making skills. This explains some of the behavior I observed during the race, including (but not limited to):

• Missing the Turn-Around... how much louder/more visible did Pluto and I have to be?!?
• Nearly missing the Turn-Around... It never fails to amaze me how poor these peoples' handling skills are
• Spitting on Don... dude in the 55+ category acknowledged my instruction "Turn-Around in 50 yards, at the cone!", then spit on me. Malevolence? Blindness? Short-term memory loss? What the hell?!?

However, this isn't just a case of hard efforts yielding diminished brain-power. No, no. I contend that Time Trials are inherently linked to stupidity. The very decision to partake in a TT must surely be the root cause of a great deal of bad decision-making and irrational thought.

For one thing, this race had an Eddie Merckx division... like the Cannibal, these racers (myself included) race on the same bikes we'd use in regular bike races. No aerodynamic gear beyond what you'd use in a crit. No extra money. No competing with the $5,000 CAD-desgined wind-tunnel-tested frame, $2,000 wheelset, $1,500 component bikes (no lie... plus a lot of them had custom paint-jobs). Why the hell would anyone with no TT-dedicated bike not want to race in this division? Who thinks to themselves "I want to race, but only if I can severely handicap myself"? (I know there're exceptions, Jenksy, and I salute you Cat 3 Cup-ers)

Now let's not forget the TT bikes themselves. As I've said, these things cost a gajillion dollars. Without a doubt, they are sexy pieces of machinery (it's true!), and the very nature of TTing rewards the use of high-zoot equipment to shave seconds off your time. But dude... when you're unfit, or even grossly overweight, and your position looks like crap, your priorities are waaay off. And don't give me that "I used to be fit, and while I'm out of shape now, what's wrong with riding the same equipment as before?" nonsense. A lot of the slower guys were riding brand-new P3Cs and S-bend bars and other "flavor of the week" components. I call shenanigans!

So you've finished your race. Do you go out with your team to a local eatery? Do you go for a jog (crazy triathletes)? Perhaps thank the race director for stressing out for weeks just so you can ride your bike by yourself (as opposed to training, which for you probably involves riding your bike by yourself)?

No. You bitch. You bitch to the officials about minor time discrepancies. You bitch to the race director about the officials. You bitch to the race director about the volunteers not holding your hand at the turnaround (perhaps we should also wipe your bottom at the port-a-johns?). You bitch to the race director about the weather. You bitch about your fitness. You bitch, you bitch, you bitch, as if a complaint is the only thought you're capable of producing.

In conclusion, Time Trials are stoooopid. And no, it has nothing to do with my disappointment in my own performance today.

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In other news, did anyone watch the U.S. Open today? (SPOILER ALERT!) How awesome was that?!? Beautiful attack by Tuft, gutsy effort by McCarty to hang on for 2nd, surprising sprint by the dark-horse Rite-Aid guy... what a finale.