Flirting With Shakira

Shakira is hot. She sings like a Kermit impersonator, but she is hot. Moving on...

It has come to my attention that there is documentation of a courting ritual, by which Shakira's favor is earned. This documentary is available on YouTube, so you know it's accurate.

Just how wooed is Shakira? In her own words:
"Oh baby when you talk like that
You make a woman go mad"

Well damn. That's pretty freakin' wooed. Her suitor, a certain Mr. Wyclef Jean, has said something that has driven her mad, and not in the "Mariah Carey's nervous breakdown" way, but in the "Tag Bodyspray just-plausible-enough commercials" way. I wish I had the ability to make a woman go mad. Perhaps if I study the words that initiated this effect?

"I never really knew that she
could dance like this
She makes a man wants to speak Spanish
Como se llama (si), bonita (si),
mi casa,
su casa"

Okay, so Wyclef used the formal "su" instead of the familiar "tu". Well done, Wyclef. Truly, you are a gentleman. Still, I don't think that that's the only thing that has driven the lovely Shakira mad.

I guess all I have to do to charm the womens is reproduce Wyclef's poetry. Odds are good, of course, that my audience will speak only the Queen's English, and so I'll have to translate from Mr. Jean's elegant Spanish... thanks, 6th grade Spanish class with Senora Quintana.

Allow me to set the scene. The lights are dim, the Karaoke is loud, and the Johnson and Johnson interns have spilled just enough beer on me to really accentuate my cologne. I spot a girl across the bar. I walk up to her, and whisper in her ear:

"I never knew that you could dance like this. You make a man want to speak English. What is your name? Pretty. My place? Your place?"

It's freaking foolproof. Feel free to try it yourself.