Caffeinated Conspiracy

The Starbucks rant, long a mainstay of bloggers and stand-up "comedians", is lame. At least it's cute when a squirrel does it (NSFW, language).

This is not a Starbucks rant.

So, I've stopped buying coffee. I still drink a lot of it, but now I just brew it myself and bring it to the lab in my travel mug. I think it works out to about 95% savings. It's quite a bit less convenient, but damned if it isn't going to save me money in the long run... all of which is going into my Buyer's Remorse Guitar Fund.

Mighty though my coffee maker may be, it can't make the espresso that I so crave. For that, I go to the Student Center's coffee shop, Gerlanda's.

At Will's suggestion, I've been drinking Americanos, which consist entirely of espresso and hot water. They're delicious, and I highly recommend them. It feels a little weird ordering "Americanos" from the Gerlanda's staff, most of whom are Mexican - I can't help but feel like I'm ordering a Gringo.

Like my sadistic coach, I am of the "more is more" philosophy, so my orders have all been Larges (actually, Gerlanda's has renamed their sizes like Starbucks, but I've quietly clung to traditional naming convention).

It may come as a surprise some people that the staff at Gerlanda's is comprised entirely of human beings. There are no robots, no cyborgs, not even zombies behind the counter. The frequency with which their customers treat them as sub-human is astounding. Then again, we are talking about the Student Center on the Science/Engineering campus.

I'd like to think that it's because I take the time to say hi, make eye contact, ask how their weekends were, and so on, that the Gerlanda's staff cued me in on a little secret the other day. It turns out that the only difference between a Small Americano and a Large Americano is the amount of hot water in the cup.

Apparently, written in small print on the menu is the following disclaimer:
All espresso drinks are made with two shots of espresso

I'll tell you what, it takes some balls to charge customers for hot water. We're being charged extra for the privilege of drinking a weaker beverage! It'd be outrageous, if it wasn't so brilliant.