Off The Back

From 2005-6, every collegiate race I did had unpleasant results. I'd start with everybody, try my hardest, and inevitably lose contact with the pack. I'd chase for a while, and then I'd get pulled out of the race. I didn't know what was going wrong, only that I was suffering a most disgraceful defeat every time I toed the line.

You may recall that last March, I was overwhelmed by a newfound ability to race. Will had "never seen someone so happy to finish dead last in the pack". By the end of the month, still racing in the C division, I was reporting my races with dismissive nonchalance. I was comfortable in the C's, and this comfort continued through the summer as I raced the corresponding non-collegiate 5 and 4/5 races.

This year, I've moved up to the B's. I'm not intimidated, though. There is only one way to improve, and that's to venture beyond your comfort zone (gah, am I getting repetitive?).

So. I lost contact with the pack. Shades of 2006. And yet, a silver lining:

I didn't get dropped, per se - that is, I didn't run out of energy and find myself unable to keep up with the pack. Instead, I raced a tactically stupid race, tailgunning (riding at the back of the pack) for 3 laps. The onus was on me to move up, and I didn't (and to no small degree, couldn't). When someone 5 spots in front of me let a gap open, I was, like everyone around me, suddenly dropped.

Rather than panic or give up or do any of the counterproductive nonsense I used to do, I formed a chase. A rider trying to catch the pack alone is screwed, but a group stands a chance.

We never caught the pack, my little band of chasers. Skidmore, UVM, Drexel, Bard(?) and I took turns in the wind, minimizing our losses over the ensuing 30 minutes. We eventually finished (no small feat on a 0.6 mile course), although this would not have been the case had the race been but one lap longer.

It truly does suck to ride off the back. I want to be the protagonist at the front of the pack, perhaps even the (dare I say it?) winner... not the gasping, grimacing, doomed chaser earning pity-applause from the spectators. This was not how I wanted today to go.

Then again, I will allow myself to take a little bit of pride. Just a little. A dash, perhaps, or even a pinch. I threw myself in the deep end today, and while I wasn't quite swimming, I definitely didn't drown.