Collegiate Cyclocross

The world is a complicated place. We are simply incapable of taking it all in, of perceiving every detail at a conscious level. Instead, what we do is extract features from our experiences, and we treat these features as representatives of reality.

You don't see every little discoloration and bruise and bump on a fruit; you see a shiny round red object about the size of your fist and you know it's an apple. You don't calculate brow-ridge prominence and hip-to-waist ratio to identify gender; you see boobs and you know it's a girl. Well, I do anyway.

This subconscious processing is part of the human condition. Actually, with some guesswork, some experience, and a healthy academic curiosity, we can identify these features post-hoc, if only for curiosity's sake.

For example. People talk about cyclocross courses as being "a real 'cross course" on the one hand, and a "dirt crit" or an "MTB short-track" on the other. Like pornography, we know it when we see it, but it's hard to put a finger on what makes a "real 'cross course".

Here's a start, organizers of the Hillbilly Hustle race, which I otherwise love... if racing around your course necessitates ducking under branches, lest your head get torn off mid-corner, it's a little bit less 'cross and a little bit more MTB.

Another fun example of identifying wholes based only on features. Roof racks. You can tell a lot about a driver based on the bike rack on his roof. For example, if there is only one tray, then the driver is probably a triathlete... or he's a prick who considers himself too cool for a team (i.e., a triathlete [just kidding! okay, no I'm not]).

If there are two or three trays, the driver is probably an active rider whose frequent trips to races (or off-road trails) make rear-racks inconvenient. This driver prefers to ride with the company of his teammates and may even be a pretty swell individual.

No roof rack at all? Pro. Don't question it, it's just the way of things.

If there are four or five trays, the driver is clearly a cyclocross racer. It is near-impossible to fit four people, all their gear, and all their front wheels into the car and trunk, and five is just out of the question. In 'cross, though, all the cool kids have spare bikes (in case of a mid-race flat tire), so you'll need all five racks, even if there are only three racers in the car.

If none of the four or five trays match, if every component of the roof rack was bought used, if the paint is chipping and the trays are rusting, if you can buy a sticker of your team's logo at the local convenience store... then you're almost certainly a collegiate cyclocross racer.

one of the trays is empty because Jay overslept

See you in Northampton!