Continuing this week's theme - Internets Say the Darndest Things - here's a gem from TheSmokingGun. You can't make this stuff up:
Meet Kyle Drinkwine. The Wisconsin man, 24, allegedly became so incensed by a lackluster karaoke performance of a heavy metal song that he assaulted the singer and a second man, police charge. According to a River Falls Police Department report, Drinkwine throttled singer James Mischler, 28, and his friend Cyrus Kozub, 29, "over one's ability to sing karaoke." Though cops did not specify which song set Drinkwine off last week, Kozub told TSG that Mischler was performing "Holy Diver," the title cut on Dio's 1983 debut album
You may be expecting me to approach this from the predictable angle. Karaoke is supposed to be about peace, love, and understanding - the new century's answer to Woodstock, but on a smaller scale and with better hygiene. When someone's performance is reminiscent of a diseased cat's howl, the worst you can (okay, should) do is ignore the poor sap. Not pick a fight.
You may be expecting me to take that approach, but you'd be wrong. What should I write, "I'm scared that if I mess up a song, someone might beat me up"? Oh blah. Remember, your humble scribe is the two-time defending World Champion of Karaoke.
I therefore submit: This Drinkwine guy did something terrible, yes, but also exceptional. He throttled two men. Imagine simultaneously choking two different, conscious people... no small feat, if you ask me. To accomplish something so impossible, Drinkwine (what a ridiculous last name, might I add) must've been out of his mind with rage.
This is a condition with which I can empathize. By no means am I advocating violence, but bad Karaoke cuts me to the quick. On more than one occasion, a dysphonic octet from Johnson and Johnson has threatened to send me into a violent rage.
It'd take a lot more than Dio to push me over the edge (Dio has rocked for a long, long time; now it's time for him to pass the torch). That said, if I hear one more person butchering Tainted Love, one more pretender doing injustice to Under Pressure, one more gaggle of drunk accountants singing Living on a Prayer, I may just snap.
Nota Bene: It doesn't matter if Living on a Prayer is sung well or poorly, I just hate Bon Jovi.
Again, I don't take Karaoke, or almost anything, seriously enough to fight over it. I do, however, consider it important, even sacrosanct. Nobody should defile my beloved Karaoke... or they run the risk of being throttled. Or punched. In the sensitives.
Or blogged about.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
2 comments:
the ninja does it again. hilarious.
pray tell: why didn't you mock the name "drinkwine"? are we the victims of a ruse?
also, it's "johnson & johnson". not to be confused with scjohnson (a family company) and perhaps not related to johnson-wax, which just might be the early 1900s iteration of scjohnson.
whatever.
point made.
laughs emitted.
nice work.
looking forward to more on this topic.
That's what you get for singing heavy metal at karaoke.
Post a Comment