Shutting it Down

I am unofficially ending my season at HPCX. That is, I am done racing bicycles, as of November 9. Unofficially.

My last race, at Whitmore, was a farce, and I've barely spent any time on the bike - aside from racing - since October. The motivation's just not there, and on the rare days that it is, my legs are absent instead.

That's normal. That's what happens at the end of the season. It's okay.

So why don't I officially hang up the 'cross bike and call it a year? Because I'm a team player, and also because flying doesn't allow for flexibile travel plans.

This weekend, there will be two ECCC races in Warwick, Rhode Island (which is known for its tropical climate and ... screw it, all I really want, and so all I will passive-aggressively indict, is the temperature). Rutgers has a shot to win the ECCC again, but it's damn close. If we lose to UVM, I will be so pissed. SO PISSED. If we need me to roll around Warwick for 45 minutes and earn whatever scraps that dude from Cornell and the UVM duo leave for me, then that's what I'll do. So there that is.

Next weekend is Nationals. On the face of it, I have nothing to gain at Nats. I can barely even hope for a lead lap finish, and my more realistic goal is to finish in the top 2/3 of racers. I can't root for my teammates, as I'll be racing concurrently. But the round-trip ticket is already booked, so there that is too.

So instead of looking at these from the viewpoint of functional gain, let's look at it differently. 45 minutes of suffering (and believe me, even just rolling around, it will be suffering) is a small price to pay for two straight vacation weekends! I'll get to road trip with my friends, and we always find a way to have fun when we road trip.

"But Don," you chorus, "isn't racing all about fun anyway?" Yes, except that mentally, you (more specifically, I) need to turn that competitive drive on when the race starts. Not everybody is like that, but it's the way I am. Lacking that sharp edge, with my heart not in it anymore, it really isn't fun now. It's time to take a holiday.

It worries me that this will come across as preemptive excuse-making, and excuse-making is the absolute worst kind of blogging, or thinking. Let me be clear: I don't think I'll lose to anybody who couldn't have beaten me before I mentally pulled the plug on the season. Rather than being defeatist, I'm simply throwing the baby away with the bathwater, and there should be no inferences drawn beyond that.

See you in Warwick... but if you're looking for my heart, you'll have to wait for March.



Post Script: If any of my teammates are pissed that I'm spending so much of the team's money to race... I have no answer for you. You're absolutely right to be upset. As stated above, though, there's no way around it now. Nevertheless, it may ease your concern to know that Nationals is paid for by a funding source separate from the team's budget.