Dental Hygiene and Washing Machines

It's become apparent recently that my priorities are shifting. No longer do I live the rock-star lifestyle of a Cat5 cyclist -slash- overworked undergrad -slash- trust-fund baby. In fact, it seems that my life has become rather monkish... Of course, I'm still a Cat5, I'm now an overworked grad, and my 8-figure inheritance is still sitting pretty in the bank... it's just that now I drink lots of Belgian beer, which is brewed by monks.

As I grow older, wiser, and let's face it, sexier, I've found that my personal hygiene has merited more and more attention. For example, I've stopped using dish-soap as shampoo, because that's just not what classy people such as myself are known to do.

Thank heavens for Facebook. Through it, I recently got back in touch with a friend of mine from high school (go Bears!). When she mentioned that she is now attending Dental school, I realized that I had stumbled across the perfect opportunity to educate myself (and thusly you, my beloved audience) about some of the finer points of oral hygiene.

Without further ado, I introduce to you a new segment here on TheNinjaDon:

Ask the Future Dentist

this week on Ask the Future Dentist, we ask some tough questions...

1. Do you recommend up-down brushing, circular brushing, or some combination thereof?
2. What is your preferred bristle material? Do you like horse-hair, or the more traditional boar fuzz?
3. What is your favorite nickname for a kid with braces? There's a kid in my school with braces, and I'm looking for some new material for the mockery.
4. I'm worried that I might have OCD. Is it bad to brush your teeth as often as 3, 4, or sometimes 5 times a week?

and the Future Dentist responds...

1. Hold your toothbrush still and move your head back and forth vigorously against the bristles.
2. If oral hygiene is important to you, which it should be, I would recommend purchasing a brush made of human hair - it is durable and absorbent and doubles as a feminine hygiene product [I won't tell you which ;) ].
3. Brace Face is a classic, also spice up your repertoire with Train Tracks, Train Wreck, Jaws, Radiohead (man they suck), or the less commonly used "Walking Aberration before G-d's eyes"
4. The good news is you don't have OCD. The bad news is, you have syphilis

Thanks, Dr. Mel!
--------------------------------------

Does anybody want to go see this with me? I'm not sure it's going to be released everywhere, but supposedly it's opening in NYC on the 4th.