The Growing List of Wedding Cliches

I continue to be amazed by how uncomfortable I am during wedding ceremonies. Today's was only 30 minutes of ceremony, but I still fidgeted like there was embrocation oil in my boxers.

So nothing from any wedding ceremony has yet to move me, to reach down my throat and pluck my heart strings. However, the wedding I've attended have served as examples of what I want to avoid, and I'm storing this information in the back of my mind for some point in the distant future.

Today I learned that my wedding will not have the following things*:

• The wedding party walking the aisle with the accompaniment of Green Day's "Time of Your Life", as reproduced by a flute and an electric piano.
• Reading the traditional marriage contract out loud. It is in Aramaic. Aramaic is a dead language. Leave it alone.

Worst of all, every time my mind wandered (ie, 90% of the ceremony), it wound up reliving the split-second when I drifted left instead of right going into the last corner of this morning's race, boxing myself in and probably costing myself upgrade points, cash, and bragging rights. I'm happy with every other bit of the race, why do I keep focusing on that millisecond?




*scientists have determined that the probability that I will have any influence on what cliches do or do not occur during my wife's wedding is 0.02%