Ride, Sally, Ride

I have a new bicycle. Technically, it is a Specialized Tarmac Expert, but that just seems too formal for my taste. Her name is Sally, after a song that would never have crossed my mind if not for a coincidental Karaoke performane. And I quote:

All you want to do is ride around, Sally
Ride, Sally, ride

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Sally...

She's not so bad from behind, either

Willis got the exact same bike, albeit a size larger. His photos, which were posted in the timely manner one expects from a responsible blogger, are well-focused and artistic.

I'm not going for artistic, because the visual arts are not my forte. Instead, playing to my strengths, I've decided to write about the noteworthy features of the bike, so that the uninitiated might appreciate the pictures of Sally just as thoroughy as my lusting cyclist friends.

Form
I'm generally not the sort who cares about the aesthetics of my toys, but damn, this bike is pretty. The paint scheme is gorgeous, as you've already seen. While I have no idea whose uniforms might match the dark blue and bright red - certainly not Rutgers' black and scarlet motif - I have a purple mountain bike and am colorblind, so this is pretty low on the list of priorities.

Little things make this bike special. That the stock cable housing matches the matte aluminum derailleurs is a nice touch, for example

The whole drivetrain is pretty, actually, which is rare. Drivetrains get splattered with grease and grit, chipped by mishandled tools and loose pebbles, and are effectively treated as an afterthought by most designers. Not Sally.Notice the strategically placed Specialized logo, the stylized S. Tucked away in Sally's nether-regions, this is the branding equivalent of a small butterfly tattoo on a thigh or butt-cheek, as opposed to most bikes' tramp stamps.

Racers care a lot about the mechanical properties of a bike in the vertical and lateral directions (more on that later), but nobody ever talks about fore-aft behavior. Therefore, I conclude that the bowed top-tube is completely worthless.Damned if that little bit of arch doesn't make her look a whole lot meaner, though, right? Catlike and ready to pounce. Ride, Sally, ride.

Function
Nice segue, right?

There are certain things that bikes are supposed to be able to do, and Sally can do 'em! Namely, these fine instruments of self-propulsion are meant to be stiff laterally yet compliant vertically... the duplicity of that entendre was not lost on my friends over at Feel It Robot, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Stiff
When racing a bike, you want to put as much power as possible into that little patch of rubber that touches the pavement (or dirt, or wood if you're a badass trackie). You've worked hard to squeeze every last ounce (gram?) of energy out of your muscles, and you don't want that effort wasted on flexing the frame of the bike back and forth.

Having spent the past two years racing on a soft titanium bike (the Fish) with outdated components, I've gotten used to a certain amount of flex in the lateral direction. It was an inefficient system, but I didn't mind.

Now that I've got Sally, I realize just how much power I was wasting. The contrast to the Fish is stark... Sally seems to positively leaps forward at the first twitch of a sprint.

First and foremost, it is significant that this is my first carbon fiber road bike. Carbon fiber is stiff as hell, but also light. That's an immediate advantage over titanium.

By taking advantage of carbon fiber's molding process, Specialized made a bike that is, for lack of a better term, stupid-stiff. They did it with the oversized bottom bracket.Or should I say, BOTTOM BRACKET.

Compliant
The thing with a superstiff frame is that every little rough patch in the road gets transmitted directly from your wheels to your arms, your legs, and your ass. This is undesirable.

Like a stereotypical Japanese housewife (I don't know, I'm just basing this on movies), Sally is quite compliant. The seatpost has a rubber insert, a patented Specialized technology, to absorb all of the high frequency chatter from the road.The bigger bumps get absorbed by the frame itself. The wishbone-shaped tubes in the rear section of the bike act like a suspension, and they flex just enough to allow a long ride on an otherwise rigid bike.Weight Weenie
I am not a weight weenie. I'm actually trying to gain weight (oh man, I'm going to catch hell for that one!), and I really don't care how much the non-rotating parts of the bike weigh.

Don't get me wrong, Sally is light. She's freaking heroin-chic light. Not anorexic like the sort you'll find with the pros or the wealthy Cat 5s, but light.

Some weight-shaving gimmicks are just ridiculous, though, and I'm not too proud to point them out. For example, the pedals I bought have titanium springs. I bought them because they were on sale (and red!), so the weight savings didn't cost any extra, but come on!
On the other hand, pedals rotate, so lighter is better, right? So the same is true of the drilled cogs of the cassette (sorry, the picture isn't great, just take my word for it)

Again, at least they rotate! Not like the hollow-railed, razor-sharp saddleor the carbon fiber spacers
If those are rotating, you have crashed and have bigger things to worry about.

Oh, I almost forgot. If you are prone to dropping your chain, and if you are concerned about the paint, and if you are a weight weenie, then rest assured, this carbon fiber patch will solve all of your problems!
Some final thoughts:
I opted to buy a compact crankset, because some quick math shows that a 50x11 is actually bigger than the 52x12 I'd been using! That probably makes no sense to half of you, and is totally obvious to the other half. Well, it was news to me! Will got the 52, because "you know what's even bigger than 50x11? 52x11." True story.

Also, it is oh-so-cool to have white equipment. Maybe it's because of James Bond's infamous dinner jacket, or maybe it's because the Euro-pros have insane sponsorships that replace dirty stuff for free - or maybe they've got mechanics (burly Belgians named Gust, usually) who clean everything meticulously.

Sally is festooned with white livery. It's on the paint scheme, and it's on the components. The saddle is white
and so are the handlebars

It is my prediction that these will be ruined by April.