Long time listener, first time caller. Why do you drink decaf espresso?
Love,
Angry in Highland Park (and also Josh)
Dear Mark (and also Josh),
Thank you for your question! Remember, there is no such thing as a stupid question, so you shouldn't feel bad for asking something so trite!
I ordered a decaf Americano, because Americanos are delicious and it was too late for caffeine. However, since I've only recently learned of these magical drinks, it feels weird to refer to them by name. Instead, I substitute the name Espresso, since everybody knows Espresso.
Decaf Espressos, or any drinks based thereon, are quite paradoxical indeed. However, they beat the hell out of Vanilla Chai Tea. So I order Decaf Americanos.
Yours,
Don
Dear NinjaDon,
Your abilities as a cyclist are only exceeded by your fantastic amazingness as a human being. You are as omnipotent as you are regal. And I dare anyone to prove that I, Josh, am not the author of this letter.
Why, then, do you do 40 sprints at a time?
Sincerely,
Josh
Josh,
Aw, you flatter me. Thank you for your kind, completely authentic words!
I do as many sprints as my coach tells me to. If I'm going to second-guess him, why hire him at all? Too many cooks spoil the athletic broth, and when it comes to coaching, I think any more than one coach is too many, especially if the second coach is me.
There's a fine line between saying "I think this is too many sprints" and "I don't feel like doing this many sprints".
Yours,
Don
Dear NinjaDon,
How did your friend Bearded Megan get her name? Isn't "Bearded" a bit insulting?
Signed,
Everyone who's ever read this blog
Everyone,
That's a fair question. I know that when speaking of a woman, "Bearded" often has a specific connotation - it can refer to a circus sideshow, or to a sham relationship with a gay man. Neither applies to Megan, and I cringe at the thought that she might be confused for either.
If anything, I believe that "Bearded" should be a compliment of the highest order. Everybody loves a good beard! But I digress.
Megan earned the name "Bearded" soon after we met her. The story behind it is quite simple: She wore a beard.
The nickname stuck when she made a habit of it.
Megan hasn't worn a beard in quite some time, though... which is a shame.
By the way, for those who still say "but Don, 'Bearded' still has a negative connotation," it is worth noting that Bearded Megan was nicknamed mostly to differentiate her from the other Megan who hung out with our group at the time. The other Megan earned the nickname "Bitch". As in, "will Bitch Megan be at Karaoke tonight? God I hope not".
So Bearded Megan got the sweeter deal.
XOXO,
Don
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1 comment:
Dear Don,
How can I make it such that I stop drinking so much I write you letters when blackout drunk? Since there is no way I would have ever written such a thing sober, and as you said, it is totally authentic. :)
Sincerely,
Josh
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