Bicycles and Heartbreak

Ricardo Ricco got caught doping. The cycling world is angry at Ricco, and for good reason. His wins in the Tour have been impressive, even heroic. And now it turns out that they were fake.

I should be heartbroken. On Sunday, Jay and I were sitting at the bar, re-watching Stage 9. We watched Ricco charge away from the field on his way to a dominant stage win, and we dismissed the rumors of doping. "It doesn't make sense to chase him, he's too far down in the standings, the finish is downhill, they're saving up for tomorrow".

What wasn't being said was how Ricco had just turned himself into an idol. I could see myself jumping away from the 4/5 field in my next race, charging to a glorious solo victory. It could happen! Ricco had shown the way!

I think I should be heartbroken.

After watching today's stage, I drove to the Cognitive Rehabilitation Hospital where I do my research. The therapists and I went over a list of subjects with whom I'll be working next week. It's a long list. Say hello, statistical significance.

"Hello, statistical significance!"

Oh, statistical significance, you're so funny and awesome.

Of course, these people wouldn't be my subjects if they didn't need rehabilitation. All of them have been in horrific accidents, and as a result, large sections of their brains are dead.

One subject, with whom I spent only a few minutes, absolutely knocked me over with her story. She'd been riding a bicycle, just cruising around, and in a moment of panic she forgot how to use her brakes. Now she needs frequent hospital visits, without which she can't use her hands normally.

Okay, it's official. Now I'm heartbroken.

Yesterday, I spent a few hours chasing Charlie around Chimney Rock, trusting that my tires would find some traction on the wild, rocky descents.

But it's okay, I had styrofoam on my head.

I don't know how doctors do this. Or nurses. Or even special ed teachers. To constantly face the reality of life's horrible risks, every day. To know how easily it could be you. I just don't know how they do it.