Escape of the Monster

I've decided that I do not like turtles.

People don't seem to grasp the freakiness of the monster in the basement. My previous post includes one poorly focused photo and some unnecessarily bombastic prose. Neither of which do Grendel any justice.

So let's give some perspective.

Here is Grendel next to deck of playing cards. He's not huge (yet)... but he's big.

I managed to get a video of Grendel escaping from his tank. As soon as he sees me, he freezes (as happens at :08 in the following video), so I haven't been able to record a successful jailbreak. Generally, he flips over the lip of the tank, lands on his back, and immediately reorients himself with a violent jerk.

Once Grendel's out, he wanders around in search of a hiding place. It'd be cute, if it wasn't so annoying - simple tasks like doing laundry or fetching a bike come with an adrenaline rush when accompanied by the surprising discovery of a monster on the loose.

Cute, see?

Of course, he can't stay out of the water too long, because he'll dry out and die. So we have to put him back in his tank. Being suicidal, he climbs out about 4 or 5 times a day and resists our attempts to return him.

Here's how he reacts to contact. All I'm doing is putting a little pressure on his back. He does not enjoy it.

You may be asking "holy hell, did that turtle just jump?" Yes he did. Didn't know turtles could do that, did you?

So we (and by we, I mean Aaron or I, because Karen's not quite comfortable with the monster) pick him up before he can jump. He'll hiss a bit, but that's more bark than bite. His next line of defense consists of the claws on his legs. They aren't razor sharp, but they're sharp enough.

If you don't pick him up properly, if you leave any room between your pinkies and the shell, he'll dig his hind legs' claws into your palms. Observe:
(warning - I curse a little bit)

But doing this four or five times a day, one eventually becomes quite proficient - both at returning Grendel to his tank and at unleashing a string of expletives at the thought of losing a finger.
(don't worry, no expletives in this video)

Notice in this last video how there's a gap in the fence. It's fixed now, so at least he can't wander around the basement.

We think we know why he wants to escape - it's something to do with the lack of hiding places in his habitat - and we're going to fix it. To be perfectly honest, though, I'll be disappointed if his jailbreaks stop completely. Sure it'd be nice to not have to handle a monster every couple of hours, but at least that gives me some sort of interaction with him.

Grendel's not exactly a cuddly pet, you know? Can't quite play fetch with him, either.

Oh, and get this... Grendel might actually be a she-turtle. There's just no way of knowing until it hits puberty, which has not happened yet. So I might have to stop calling it a "son of a bitch", and just stick with "bitch". For accuracy's sake.