Half Baked

It is a truly miserable feeling, running out of energy mid-workout and with no food. That feeling, that abject sense of exhausted desperation, is only slightly worse than the feeling you get when you buy the overpriced energy bars that stave off that wretched bonk.

Sick of paying 2-plus dollars for every bar, I resolved to make my own, and for a fraction of the cost! This was 2005. It has taken me this long to work up the ambition to attempt this noble feat.

And yet here I am, on the cusp of greatness. While grocery shopping today, I felt the urge to experiment, and with the aid of my fancy new toy, the necessary ingredients were procured. I have enough left over to make about 5 more batches, which would bring the price per bar to just about $0.15.

No one has ever accused me of being a baker. The stove top is my comfort zone, and I can stir fry with the most mediocre of them. The oven, though, is a mystery to me, a magical cavern of mysticism and convection. Still, recipes can't be that hard, can they? Right?

Don't be fooled by that fake-foreshadowing. The whole process was actually ridiculously easy. Observe!

• 2 c. uncooked Quaker Multi-Grain cereal
• 3/4 c. raisins
• 1/4 c. diced pitted prunes
• 3/4 c. flour
• 1 tsp. cinnamon
• 1 tsp. b. soda
• 1/4 tsp. salt
• 1/2 c. vegetable oil
• 1/2 c. brown sugar
• large egg
• 1 cup unsweetened applesauce
• 2 tsp. vanilla

Step 1:Whisk the oil, eggs, and brown sugar.

Step 2: Mix in the applesauce and vanillaThe mixture should now resemble baby spit-up. You will wonder whether you've made a mistake; you have not. Carry on!

Step 3: Add everything else.
Mix until homogeneous.

Step 4: Pour into a greased 9x13 pan
Step 5: Bake at 350 for 35 minutes. Also, you should have preheated the oven to 350.

That's where I'm at. The bars are currently half-baked (hence the title), and the suspense is killing me. I cleaned up, I paced around the kitchen, and now I'm blogging. The smell has filled the air, and the apartment is abuzz with anticipation. I'll let you know how they turned out.

In the meantime, here are the lessons I learned while baking:

• Make sure to have all the ingredients before starting. Apparently my apartment has 6 times as much baking soda as flour. There was plenty of cinnamon, though.
• A kitchen can never have enough measuring utensils.
• Brown sugar is a delicious pain in the ass.
  
• Whisks are much better for mixing large volumes of liquid than are forks.
• Whisks are a poor choice for mixing clumpy, sticky batters. Whisks are little prisons for the clumps.
• You're never too old to lick the spoon
  

UPDATE:

Success! Kind of! A good first attempt, anyway. They could be sturdier, like less mushy. Not sure how to go about fixing that... longer oven time? more oats? less applesauce?

Suggestions, please?

And yes, that is a tiny ninja, guarding the bars.

UPDATE #2:

These bars need a name. Therefore, a contest:

You have until March 15th to suggest a name. The winner gets a free batch of the bars.