Ya Got PIRGed, part 2

continued from part 1...

During the brief hiatus between posts, you may have found yourself wondering, "when the frick did Don get this funny?" It turns out that I got bitten by a radioactive spider. And now you know.

You may also have found yourself wondering, "what in the world is a PIRG?" because lord knows I didn't give you many clues in the last post. Some of my more enterprising readership may even have started to guess what PIRG might be. A tediously touchy-feely liberal arts course I was thinking of taking? Some fashionable new venereal disease?

Be patient, sassy-britches, all shall be revealed in good time.

We left off with Janet, the intensely-maternal cubicle-jockey at the Student Accounting Office, going over my tuition bill. After my tuition and my fellowship canceled each other out nicely, there were still a few additional charges; pesky little fees like health insurance and housing. Boooring.

But then I saw an item I didn't recognize. PIRG. $10 per semester for the PIRG. My rapport with Janet felt solid enough for me to ask "what's P.I.R.G?", spelling the acronym out. She immediately corrected me, "Oh, honey, it's pronounced 'PIRG' [purg]".

"Okay, but what's PIRG?"

"Oh, it's an optional fee. It's the P.I.R.G... and it's optional. You can refuse the PIRG."

Now, it's been well-established that I am not the most diplomatic spoon in the drawer. It just doesn't make sense to me that there isn't a 1-to-1 relationship between what is said and what actually is. Am I outing myself as an engineer, or perhaps just as a social retard? Maybe. But at least I'm aware enough to be able to fake it. I've learned that "let's go back to your place and talk" doesn't actually correlate to a conversation... except for when it does. I've learned that "is there anything else you need?" means "get the hell out of my office", and that the meaning of "maybe" is an a priori probabilistic function.

So while I was frustrated that I was being given a recursive defintion, I was able to pull my head out of my ass long enough to realize that Janet was trying to tell me to refuse the PIRG, even though she couldn't technically advise me one way or the other.

"Um, okay, I would like to refuse the PIRG, please, thank you." $20 a year isn't a lot - I did the math, and 20 is less than I spend on the "over" part of overtipping at the bars in two months - but dammit, it's my 20.

When I got home, I went straight to Wikipedia, with a few detours at digg and pezcyclingnews. It turns out there's an article about PIRG! How convenient!

So here's what I learned: In the 1970s, Ralph Nader convinced students to create groups dedicated to activism. Just about every state has one. They're funded by a bit of grant money, a bit of fundraising, and a whole hell of a lot of tuition money. With a very few exceptions, if you're in college, then your money is going to them. Which makes sense, because you're in college, and so your values and politics must align with that of the PIRG... if they don't then you're some sort of heartless aberration and you should be ashamed.

I don't want to get into the differences between my leanings and those of the PIRGs. Mostly because if this blog starts being political, I'm going to have to stab myself with sharp things.

I'll say this: I like the idea of giving people a voice, of pushing students to engage in civic activity. I can dig that... not my scene, but I can dig it (what the hell, why am I speaking in jive?)

Still, the idea of money being siphoned out of our pockets without our express consent is really upsetting. You'd think we could have the option to fund PIRGs, not the option to not fund them. What a scam! And apparently, some schools don't give their students the right to refuse payment.

The idea that universities can be a little left-leaning is nothing new. It's the fact that I'm being fleeced that really gets to me.

As for my plans for my new friend Andrew Jackson, he's going straight into my burrito fund.