This Week at the Bar

It has been a crazy week at the Harvest Moon, my bar of choice in the Rutgers area. There are no pictures for me to post, nor should I be awake at this late hour with a ride scheduled for early tomorrow morning. However, I can't sleep, and I'm enthralled by the goings-on of the past few days.

Normally, I am thoroughly opposed to posting about my bar-related adventures, beyond the superficial "we went to ____ and drank ____", or the typical "at Karaoke night, I sang ____ and it was amazing". Who am I, though, to deprive you of these anecdotes? It just doesn't seem fair.

"Make new friends,
but keep the old.
One is silver
and the other gold."

Words to live by, people. Wise words indeed. Now, I'm not sure if the new friends are the gold, or if they are silver, and I am correspondingly confused about the old friends. It is clear, however, that friends are comparable to precious metals, which is presumably a good thing.

So on Thursday, I was making new friends. In this particular case, they were of the female persuasion. Because I am, as you know, made of 100% pure Grade-A awesome, I was telling a story about just how awesome I am. This story involved my meeting earlier that day, where I went to a hospital and tested a rehabilitative device on a hemiparetic patient. It worked, and she could use her hand, and it was amazing. A good story, especially the way I tell it.

Skeptical Jerkface, as I choose to name her, looked at me skeptically (I perceived her skepticism by the expression on her jerkface). She responded, "What, did you get that from Catch Me If You Can? The whole 'pretend to be a doctor to get the girl' thing?". I turned to her friend and said "is she always this cranky?" because how else could I respond?

Tonight was also unusual. I went to Harvest Moon with Jenks and Heidi, and we had a great time. Heidi got hit on by a girl, which was weird (and by 'weird', I mean hot). Jenks and I made some more friends. Two of them were especially glad to meet us... not just because we are two wild and crazy guys.

It seems that these girls had made the mistake of accepting a drink from Greg, the creepy older guy, which apparently constituted an implicit contract to engage in sexual relations with Greg. It also seemed that Greg didn't particularly care which of our new friends satisfied this contractual obligation, so long as justice was served. Poor form, Greg, poor form.

Greg got mad when Jenks and I talked to his drink-recipients. He was appeased slightly when I discussed the finer points of beer and microbrews with him, but his mood waxed irate when Jenks and I danced with the nice young ladies. Meanwhile, they were saying to us something along the lines of "thank you, he's so creepy, please saves us, etc."

It is worth mentioning that Jenks and I had no option but to save them. After all, I am a Phi Psi from CWRU - known, if nothing else, as "gentlemen" - and Jenks is a SAE from Davidson - SAEs being "true gentlemen", which is somewhat silly but not important at this juncture.

Things were going well until Jenks and Heidi went home. It is very tough to play defense 1 on 1 in any sport, let alone Bar Socialization (arguably the toughest, most physical, most cut-throat of all sports). When Greg grabbed my arm and expressed his displeasure at my behavior - at this point, I was dancing with both girls simultaneously - it occurred to me that he has 4 inches of height and about 100 lbs advantage over me.

Tonight's story ends rather anticlimactically. No punches were thrown, and no skinny cyclists were injured in the creation of this blog. Greg was left looking sad and frustrated, and I walked out of the bar with a new friend on each arm.

And if you're wondering how the rest of the night went, well, I'm sitting in front of my computer, posting to the blog, aren't I?

Anyway, I ride in 7 hours. A great deal of caffeine will be consumed.

I just thought you should know that I'm the hottest shit since John Stamos.